Biwi ho to aisi

Here's the thing.

I know some inter racial couples. Indian men , my friends and mostly colleagues at work, married to white women-Canadian, American , Australian. And Indian women married to non Indian men.

And I for one, am all for inter racial, multi cultural marriages. Relationships must not be limited by ethnicity or cultural backgrounds. I get that.

But here's what I don't get. More often than note, whenever I talk to these couples, here's how it goes. Indian man- non Indian woman. The husband, for one will more often than not emphasize the fact that, his non Indian wife is actually so Indian. And to be honest I am not even quite sure what he means by actually so Indian- I mean, you are Indian, if you are Indian - if you're not Indian then you're Canadian, or American or Japanese.

Anyway, I smile along as he continues to state how his non Indian wife is so Indian- like, you know, she can cook Indian food, wear a salwar kurta or a sari, say namaste to the aunties, do oil massage for the kids, light diyas for Diwali and all those other things that , I am guessing in his mind, qualify one to be an Indian. She even went to India and ate street food and did not complain about anything, he adds. Oh yes, and she can dance in a sari at an Indian wedding.

And you know, I smile along and I even think that it is nice. She is making an effort to embrace his culture.

But here's the problem. Another conversation with the same set of people and now they are talking of a the other couple. Indian woman married to a non Indian man. And they are slamming her for having become so "American" and trying to embrace her husband's culture. Huh?

You know, like decorating the tree for Christmas, learning to cook a good Thanksgiving turkey, drinking wine (huh?????), not wearing a salwar kameez enough . Basically , they say, she is losing touch with her Indian culture.

Okay, so. Non Indian wife embracing Indian culture for sake of Indian husband is to be glorified. But Indian wife embracing North American culture for sake of non Indian husband is shameful.

Because:

(a) Indian culture is the best and the only one to be embraced?
(b) Non Indian woman marrying Indian man must try her best to be a good Indian wife by embracing his culture? But Indian woman marrying non Indian man must try her best to hang on to her culture because that will make her a good Indian wife.
(c) You marry a non Indian person but then want them to be "actually very Indian" and that they do by doing a few "Indian" things even though they are really not Indian.
(c) Hypocrisy? Plain and simple.

You tell me.